Right now I am very livid. Two days ago, I spent hours penning down certain ideas to post. Ready to cross the ‘t’s and dot the ‘i’s, I reach into the drawer to retrieve the document, alas! It isn’t there. Bent on finding it, I look around my bedroom, the study, bins, cupboards, bins etc. but, it’s just no where to be found!
Resigned to fate I pick up the pen to start writing afresh. Problem is I am currently as blank as an unused CD. *hiss* “what do I write now”?*hiss* *sigh* *hiss* “ohhh!!!” *hiss* Hmmmn (thinking) these hisses are quite rhythmic, a few words here and here, voila! My first single. *Light bulb* Sure it’ll thrive in the present Naija music industry. After all, similar albums are released and folk carelessly move and tap to the rhythm ignoring the lyrics very effortlessly. Some even go a step further in accumulating piles of such CDs for frequent play backs in their cars, homes and sometimes, offices! Hmn, this can just be a best-seller entry in the famous How to series: How To Make Quick Bucks With Minimal or No Talent: Record a Naija single. Sale points; a few ‘uhs’ and ‘ooos’, insertions of ‘baby’ and a few pidgin lines here and there etc For further sales, be sure your bio includes a slum experience (even if all you’ve done is walk or drive through Aj city or the likes).
Been listening to the radio and it is hard to ignore the girls with a breathing disability (or so it seems). Really, it’s got to be that or why do they sound like squeaky mice/speak as though their nasal passages have been blocked and they can barely get air out. What other logical explanation can be given to the sorry attempt for an American accent?? The air in the studio must be strange, compelling it’s victims to sound foreign at all costs(make an attempt, more like it). And at the peril of their listeners. That’s just mean! Where genuine American cum Nigerian broadcasters are making huge attempts to sound Nigerian, our bbb(born, bread and buttered, as they say)are embarrassing themselves trying to fake an accent. Suddenly, Naija is now pronounced Niger etc Rs are overly stressed and subconciously slotted into every word in abid to give it the American oomph. *hiss*+*deep sigh*
This trend is fast becoming a plague; holiday arrives from ‘London’ (see definition in ‘London to Lagos’ post) now see the need to fake an accent on their return. A superfluous endeavour to prove to their world they have indeed been beyond the shores of their home country. It becomes more hilarious when on returning from a visit to the UK, the ‘arrivee’ converses with an American accent *ROTFL* I understand the need to speak well (no one wants to sound like the video below). However, is faking a foreign accent equivalent to being well-spoken??
On another totally random note, my hairstyle is due for change and been racking my head on what to do. With so many hairstyles in vogue now, you would think it a no-brainer. But with my budget, believe me, it sure is. It will be nice to fix Brazilian, Indonesian or Italian extensions; it looks so lovely when properly fixed, but again, budget constraints.
NGN75,000.00 on hair?? EXPENSIVE! You must be earning much more to afford that on a hairstyle. So I thought till I discovered some people actually take hair extension payment plans. Talk about misplaced priorities! Sheer vanity! And I thought I was vain to detest my pairs of Dune and Nine West mistaken or compared with cheap local buys. Really, I am literarily screaming Thomas Pink whenever I wear a timeless piece from the Jermyn Street designer to avoid being mistaken for a TM or H&C, not that such shirts aren’t nice, it’s just a thing of ‘levels’. VANITY! Back at uni, there was a popular tale of a female who arrogantly declared she only wore designers like Atmosphere as she just couldn’t be caught shopping at Primark. *LOoooooooL*