he loves me he loves me not!

Just recently, I found myself wondering, a familiar place to be if most females would dare to admit, if he is into me. I can’t help but wonder if he likes me like ‘that’? Or is this just pure agape (love without strings, the God type of love)? Am I being overly hopeful? Is there really more to us than friendship??Met Eni back at a conference in Birmingham – ‘twas my first week at work and was finding it challenging mingling with the already formed cliques at work (something like your typical scene in a movie with a high school setting).  I felt so out-of-place and couldn’t wait to head back home at the end of the week – till Eni stopped by my table at lunch to say hello. He invited me to the pub with a few other colleagues later that evening. After a few drinks and rounds playing snooker, it felt like we’d known each other for ages. We spent subsequent evenings together; chatting and comparing educational and career backgrounds. My boring week suddenly turned interesting  and boy was I grateful he’d stopped to say hello when he did that afternoon.

The programme ended and everyone headed back home. Though Eni wasn’t there on the last day, I didn’t think so much of it/him as I started my journey home with my colleagues. Thanks to him and the evenings at J D Weetherspoon, I had made a few friends and was caught up in the dramatic good-byes – taking photos, exchanging contacts etc. Maybe we’d see at the next conference – I was too tired to ask around for him, all I wanted to do afterwards was take a nap. But prayed/hoped he was well.

 The journey back home was good – thank God and life in media just as demanding and busy. With tight deadlines, reports, meetings, briefings etc to deal with, it was easy to forget the new faces I’d met the previous week. Well, that was till I got an invite from an industry colleague who was also at the conference.

Long story short. Eni was there. We got chatting again, exchanging phone numbers and bb pins this time. Our initial bb pings were constantly about some female he was sprung over. The worrying thing was that the babe just saw him as her meal, gadget, theatre, show and sometime holiday ticket – and he just didn’t see it!

The more he called, pinged, skyped etc about this girl, the more I found myself looking to conversations with him. And I think he enjoys it as much. I’m almost convinced this whole girl he’s sprung over thing is a charade – some excuse to have me empathize with him over a tub of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, a large tray of pizza and a 1 litre bottle of Coke, talk endlessly on the phone till the battery of my phone runs flat, spend the entire evening with him cooking up some recipe he got off tv etc.  It must be that or why:

  • Would he get upset I didn’t inform him when I finally got granted that interview?
  • Did he throw ‘tantrums’ when I went to see Red at the Cinema with someone else?
  • Does he expect me to take the seat next to him at any event even though we went there separately?
  • Would he expect me to buy him a card that reads “Someone special” ?
  • Would he expect me to be the last person at his fund-raising dinner; co-hosting (ensuring his guests are comfortable)? Etc.

Can we just define this! Would really like to know what is going on in his head regarding ‘us’- if there’s an ‘us’, that is. Fuzzy lines like this are just confusing. At times, he introduces me as his friend and expects me to understand when he doesn’t get me a Christmas card/gift while also expecting us to talk every day. ?????

Been friends for a year now – how long does it take to realize you like someone and want to be in a relationship with them. Is this a classic case of wishful thinking? Maybe this is purely agape. Unadulterated friendship that I should celebrate and be thankful for. What are the signs that just scream s/he’s just not that into you? Please leave a line.


13 thoughts on “he loves me he loves me not!

  1. I categorize it in three stages. Possible, Desirable and Definitely Yes.
    1) Possible: First couple of weeks to couple of months you get to know the person and know if he/she has qualities you desire or are attracted to
    2) Desirable: he/she has the minimum level of qualities you need to seriously start thinking of making it serious and you start considering.
    3) Definitely Yes: happens in one of two ways, the first a catalyst (almost always physical) pushes you to make a decision. The second involves deep thought, consideration and prayer before making that choice (usually involves a lot of patience)…

    (I will love not to be held liable for this though)

  2. A year is long enough for him to decide what he wants. Seems like he’s enjoying your ‘being there’ but doesn’t want to move things on. Also seems to me like you have feelings for him. My advice? Take a break. You need to pull back a bit, not drastically, but you deffo need some distance between both of you. Maybe it will give him the opportunity to see if he really wants you in his life as someone who’s not just a friend. It will also give you some alone time to prayerfully consider where you’re at, and where you want to go. Just my tuppence worth.

    • Thanks Joxy. Need to pull back, don’t I? Know I should, but, it’s easier in words, really.
      I need help – prayer is really what I need. I can’t stop placing calls, texting or chatting with him by myself. It’s almost like telling me to do away with chocolates. I know I’d come through this.
      Thanks for your words.

  3. Me thinks this dude needs a knock on the head!
    He enjoys ur company but doesnt want to commit. This isnt freetown! You need to give him space without being hostile. Watchout and see if he’ll miss u enough and be courageous in taking the step.

    If that fails, drop hints stylishly. Like… ‘do u know we’ve been friends for this long… and people who dont know will think we’re an item…’ .
    Watch out for his response (body movements inclusive)

    If u think he’ll never catch the drift, u’ve got to start looking elsewhere.

  4. Look…men are the simplest of creatures.
    Believe me, the poor boy might like you but he might be afraid of rejection.

    I like to keep things simple…….when next you’re with him; mention that you’re traveling out of town with someone else (i.e. accompanying some imaginary hunk to his sister’s wedding)

    If he doesnt object OR show jealousy…then there’s no hope for both of you.

    If he does object/ show jealousy…. tell him to give you ONE good reason why you should NOT go away with this other guy….If he opens up…..then take it from there.


  5. I think you should either ask him straight up: ‘What’s going on here?’ or you should drastically reduce the contacts you have with him, especially those that you initiate.
    I do not think he’s playing fair, and the sooner you are clear on the status of the relationship, the better for you.

  6. Maam, the way guys think is totally different from we females. It is a two way thing, is either he likes you but not as a soulmate or he loves you and he is using the other girl to catch ur attention.

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