There’s been a lot of drama unfolding around me these past days – work brouhaha, relationship quanta and family episodes – can be nerve wrecking, believe me! But saints like me are aii (Philippians 4:13 – Christ strengthens us through all things). In all the episodes I have been privileged to witness these past days, the series that’s got me writing is – you guessed right – the relationship quanta. How we love to read a good romance story – the happily ever after tales of a certain estranged princess rescued by prince charming (in my afro mind – a Morris Chestnut, Tyrese or Boris Kodjoe image is a close match *sizzling hott*). I wonder why the numerous romance texts never mention the Fiona & Shrek kind of fantasies or day dreams. Why do the love tales always tend towards the princess and prince charming romance genre? And even when there is a slight variation, the furthest you get is a beauty and the beast type thing – he eventually turns a wealthy handsome lad. Can’t the beast forever remain a ‘beast’ and the frog keep croaking as a frog whilst they leave happily ever after?? Whoever said true character lies in physical appearance or attraction! I digress, apologies.
Now to the crux of this post, the relationship sagas I’ve witnessed these past days (breathe out darls, not mentioning names here). It’s surprising the s*** gurls are taking in a bid to keep their relationship status on popular social networking sites “in a relationship” etc. Playing mum, deaf and blind to obvious red alert signs. Feigning hope in obviously dead situations…
Based on these past scenarios and relevant reactions from the intervention team, I have drawn up a list of situations that clearly depict yours is surviving on oxygen masks – needing you to face facts squarely ASAP.(not the married folk, please. I am not advocating divorce or separation)
You know when he’s not so into you when:
• Rather than make up reasons just so you can be together, he’s giving excuses why you cannot.
So, he once used to show up at your door unannounced because he was in the neighbourhood and just stopped to say hi or offer to pick you up for lunch even when he’s not hungry – just to see your face or hear your voice. But now, he makes up flimsy excuses why he can’t make it to that mutual friend’s party or even stop over after work when you leave just 5 mins away.
• You have to call him before he calls you (back) – even at that you’d be lucky he returned your call.
So, you ignore that and still call/text to remind him he was meant to call you only to have him apologise and make even more promises (but he still doesn’t!). If you were his priority will you need to place endless reminders that you existed – soliciting attention et al?! Clear signs of ‘I can’t live without you’ fast becoming ‘I am fine without you’
• He’s continually making promises but never keeps to his word. He’s promised to take you to dinner/lunch/whatever the umpteenth time in 2 weeks and there are still no signs that he intends to.
Babes, it ain’t rocket science – if he wants to spend time with you he’ll make the time no matter how ‘busy’ he is. He isn’t the person spinning the earth in her orbit or holding up the clouds in place, is he? Even God has time for his own. So what’s his repeated excuse?!
• A major event just occurred in his life and you’re the last person to know (or better still, you heard about the same time with his acquaintances via social networking sites, bulk emails, media publications etc)
• He only sends you BBMs, IMs, and other social networking communication media that cost him next to nothing.
• He treats you like a buddy – one of his guys (‘dawg’, ‘person’, pal , ‘mate’– whatever term you choose) Interpretation – he’s not looking at you like a potential. Nothing intimate. He’s probably glad you are friends, though.
I’d stop here (for now, maybe) before babes get any more furious. Ajay wasn’t quick to ‘realize’ till the dude eventually broke up with her in the most humiliating of ways. Leaving her heart shattered and her world completely torn apart. But for grace, she wouldn’t have been able to forge ahead.
“Whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning…” (Romans 15:4) The reason people have lived their experiences and learnt the hard way is to prevent us from having such unpleasant experiences. Not everyone survives a heart-break whole.
Please understand that I am not saying these signs ultimately spell doom and neither am I advocating break-ups. It’s just an appeal not to cling to something that’s more or less dead because one is scared of the unknown.
Commit your ways to the LORD and He shall guide your steps.
The glory of the latter shall supersede the former (Haggai 2:9).