I haven’t posted anything in a long time…well over a year and I probably shouldn’t be  (re)starting my blogging experience with this post, but I just have to write about this!

 A friend and I were talking the other day and we got talking relationships. Happily for me as I’d always wanted to hear about her recent break-up; find out exactly what went wrong since she told me over a bbm chat about  2 weeks ago that she and le boo had broken up (again).

She sounded confident over the chat; the whole “I’m better off without him” chant, but I wasn’t convinced because she’d said something similar after the initial break-up only to reconcile some weeks after.

So you can imagine the happiness I felt when the conversation leaned that way over lunch the other day. Not wanting to sound too gist desperate I gently quizzed the entire break-up thing and she spilled. As in…she spilled!!! And I was agape through it all!

I’d try to narrate it as best as I can (blogging at work). To help me, I’d itemize it:

  • He’d criticize most of her outfits and complained she was intentionally dressing seductively to attract men to herself
  • Shush her up any time they had a misunderstanding saying women ought to be quiet whenever men speak and how she had no right to complain even if he wronged her

    Words can be more hurtful than fists

    Words can be more hurtful than fists

  • He’d remind her that he’s much older than she is and a more senior staff with a better career than her, so she was nothing and had nothing on him
  • He’d have spontaneous outbursts if they didn’t agree about anything, even in the public, and yell till he’d made his point and satisfied his rage
  • There are times he’d inflicted physical pain on her to ensure she felt the pain he felt when she hurt him
  • Once, he’d slapped her hard across the face

It’s endless and scary, really.

All I could say was “ahn ahn”, “ahhh”, “oti o” etc

The part where she said he’d cry, beg and buy gifts anytime she threatened to leave reminded me of Tyler Perry’s movie ‘Madea’s family reunion’. There are some things that are better viewed and heard on the tv screens. Abuse? God deliver us from evil o!

While I’m happy and thankful to God she got out of it, one can’t ignore the hundreds or probably thousands of women (or men as the case may be) that stay in abusive relationships. “The signs are always there” a psychologist relative of mine said when I told her about it “people just ignore them before marriage in the hope for  change or in the name of love or for the want of a marriage”. How true is this?

Please what other ways are there to identify a potential control-freak or abusive relationship and for people in such relationships, what help is available?


Image credits: Google images

4 thoughts on “Sssssshhhhh……

  1. This girl married my family friend even though he disrespected her numerous times in the public. She stood there and took his shit despite all the red flags. Some of us think, she did it for the money! Even in her presence he would say things like she’s the one pressuring him to get married to her, how he is doing her a favour etc. Clearly, he was not in love with her and was not keen on marrying her. And she stayed there till they got married!!!
    When would that kind of person not go out to cheat or speak more hurtful things to his spouse? We just hope it does not get physical, because he raises his voice wella on the girl and ‘warns’ her at the slightest things and publicly too.

  2. I think it’s a feeling of low self esteem that would make a woman subject herself to abuse. It’s not easy and we should try and encourage such women when we can that they can do better.

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