*Sigh*

imagesCG2XW1V1I’m in a foul mood at the moment. I’m really upset and not being able to express how irritated I am is even more upsetting.

I got misunderstood by someone last night and as much as I tried to clear the air, the person kept putting holes in my explanations. I tried to stay calm; practising all the emotional intelligence I have heard/read, but, no o, this person reeeeeally tried me.

When I could not take it anymore, I blurted out certain words, said goodnight and hung up. Afterwards, I sat by myself and worked my mind to the point I believed I had forgiven and was at peace (you know the feeling of ‘if Jesus should come now, I’m free enough to make Heaven’). In addition, I try to live the Ephesians 4:26 principle of the sun not going down on your wrath, so I strive to settle every grudge (at least, in my mind) before the dawning of a new day. So, as far as I was concerned, there were no further issues to be resolved, I had forgiven the person and moved on. Or, so I thought till the Holy Spirit asked me to apologise. Kai! I struggled. I really struggled. Thought of a thousand and one reasons not to, but, the impression was too strong to ignore. So, reluctantly, I sent a message saying “I’m sorry”. And it hurt! It hurt, so bad….I was angry at God. Why did I have to apologise when I was the one slighted. Why didn’t God tell the other person to apologise for all the hurtful things said. I was offended, I did not have to be the one to apologise, not at all!

But, then, He’s God, so I can’t vex too much. There are many thoughts running through my mind now, I just want to explode. Yell! Scream! And say uncensored things, but, I can’t. And that hurts too.  images1G9PYAM5

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “*Sigh*

  1. Aww! Your honesty is refreshing! It’s not about them but you. You learning to let things roll off your back when you’d otherwise be stressed and angered by them. God is teaching you & helping you learn about yourself. It is well. I know the feeling sha! Well done for apologizing- you just grew in leaps and bounds 😀

  2. At the risk of sounding cliche, it takes the bigger person to apologise. Plus I realised not too long ago that after you apologise you feel very free and it gets any sensible person you apologised to thinking wow why did she apologise and could possibly lead them to Christ knowing how hard that must have been for you but you still did it. But if they have nonsense they may not notice.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s