*Sigh*

I’m in a foul mood at the moment. I’m really upset and not being able to express how irritated I am is even more upsetting. I got misunderstood by someone last night and as much as I tried to clear …

Male or Female

I don’t think God relates with us as male or female. I think all are same in His sight; male or female. The blood of Jesus probably makes the difference; who’s saved, who’s not. And for the saved, He probably sees …

Sigh!

Help! I’m fast becoming a mistress!!

Told him the umpteenth time I am not interested, but he persists

I have asked him to stop calling me on the phone

No more house calls, I have screamed in the most offensive tone I could garner

Flinged his gifts at him on many occasions

I’ve even pulled the wife card – I’d call and tell, I have threatened many a-times

Yet that changes nothing

It’s like yelling at a mountain, an inanimate object, one that can’t hear your overly modulated pitch or feel the rage you so perfectly express or the irritation you so hastily dish out in response to his sweet nothings

Rather than walking away and ending this fiasco, he’s calm, patient, taking all the shit thrown at him and still singing the same song!

He’s in love with me. Crazy about me. How does that work with a wife and 4-year-old twin boys?? I’m not just about the sex he says. What I feel for you is deeper than that. I have nursed this feeling for months and tried to deal with it, but the feelings wouldn’t budge. Instead I crave more and more for you each time I see you. We can get married.

Married?? How can he mention marriage??Me, a second wife?? No! I definitely don’t want that.

Besides, I’m Christian. That’s definitely against my Christian values. Christian; Christ-like. Christ sure didn’t go about kissing and cuddling illicitly. He had no ‘secret’ life/affairs. All he did, he could air in the public without shame. How do I publicly declare my ‘boyfriend’ is married??That’s not light-shining –there’s absolutely no good works there

I must confess the attention is endearing, his words soothing, his touch soft and his smiles….priceless. Aargh! If only he were not married. Not a father. If only…

At this point, I don’t trust myself – that’s why I write.

I write knowing that after I have published this, I am accountable not only to my conscience but also to many others, including You!

Amour Insondable

Right now I am flushed. Not over the words of some 6 foot tall, well-framed, dark-skinned brother but over Love itself Himself.

Most of my religious blog reading is done here, here or here. And I must say, they do a wonderful job as I cannot preach a sermon – I wouldn’t know what to say or write. I fall into the genre of folks that motion the sign of the cross (mentally, sometimes) and mutter “Lord have mercy” anytime a preacher/friend/whoever gets talking about The Great Commission or evangelism in general. So, there’s no need to fear, really. I am not about to practice my sorry preaching prowess on you. It’s just something I want to share.

Spent the last 48 hours reading Francine Rivers’ Redeeming Love and it has sure gotten me teary eyed, week in my knees, dozen butterflies in my tummy and all those other things ladies feel when a stud utters flattering words and says all what not.

Amazing Love Story. What every romance tale should emulate.

Lemme get to it. It is a best-seller retelling of the book of Hosea. You know Hosea- an old-time prophet, the 28^th book of the Bible, 11 books before the book of Matthew (New Testament). Ok, I’d help further; page 1024 if you use a Bible like mine. Found it yet? Hope so!

She tells the tale of a young girl raised by her prostitute mother and sold into prostitution at the age of 8 by her mother’s partner on her passing away. Now 18 and a professional at the only thing she’s grown to doing to earn a living, she finds herself married. Uhn uhn, married.  A prostitute? Not a reformed, rehabilitated, or transformed prostitute – a very active, still-in-the-game sex worker! Who in their right senses would marry a prostitute?? I’ll tell you who – Hosea. Are you questioning if he was really a child of God as he claimed? Maybe like me, you are wondering if it was just a ply to quench his perverted sexual cravings at a cheaper cost – a one time dowry payment (if at all) and he could have her as many times as he pleased. Quite economical, uh? Or maybe he had demons from the past; an addiction which wasn’t completely broken and he’s gradually reverting to it? So many questions and different Weltanschauung (world view – relived my information management days for a second there). But it wasn’t for either of the above reasons. God told him to. Which God? Did he hear well? Despite his initial doubts, he goes ahead to marry this girl – after several visits to her brothel (not to have sex o, to talk. Notice the talk is without quotes? They only talked, to her aversion, of course). Not like she willingly said yes, but after a terrible ordeal that almost sucked life out of her, she agreed.

Few months into their marriage; after regaining her health, she makes a bad attempt to run away on foot. He follows her trail and carries her back home, massaging her sore foot and again nursing her back to health. Not complaining, nagging or rebuking her.

Weeks after that, she goes back to the brothel he’d picked her from having hitched a ride with his brother-in-law and paying him with sex half way into the journey. Settled into that life yet again, but with a different pimp, naked under the covers and awaiting her next client, Michael Hosea storms in. Beat the daylight out of the client, threw knock-out punches at any one who dared to challenge him (pimp plus other dudes awaiting their turn) and dragged his wife out of there Home.  Still mute and numb from fear of what he might do to her in his angered state, she asks why he had come for her again. His response? “Because I Love You”. Now that is mushy! Handkerchief, anyone

That’s got me pondering ever since.

 Just last week, I was pouring my heart out to a friend and we came to a conclusion on the need to Love God rather than play religion which is easier, a faster bug to catch and the path I was on. So I said a prayer asking to Love Him; to fall in Love with Him for good. About 2 days later, I have this book in my hands; re-discovering the Love of God and falling in Love in return. He’s such a romantic! Loving us unconditionally despite our fallen or erring ways, only asking that we love Him in return.

I cannot help comparing my erring ways with that of the girl depicted in the literature – the prostitute. And I am overwhelmed by His persistent Love; reaching for me even when I threw His grace right in His face and got into mess deeper than what he’d initially saved me from.

I still wonder why He loves so.

Why is He this concerned about me? From birth, nursery, primary, high school, undergrad, postgrad, professional certifications,  to paying my bills and keeping on top all that jand (UK) madness, to relocation and the hassles, overcoming jaundice and through all the countless times I held a knife longing to die and a whole lot more. He has healed all my pains and definitely given my life better meaning.

 His Love is unconditional, free and a worthy must-have. Would be lost without it plus got nothing to lose and loads to gain.

Harlots like me can only be grateful that such a fine Man would want to identify with us.

Again, my 2 cents. Maybe I should use pence instead?? Or Kobo? Feel free to enter yours.

Love.